Confusion, You're here again?

Tears as I click back and
forth to the pages.
Pain. Heartache.
Idk why but the level of
sensitivity towards my emotions
and feelings are increasing.
Gulit as I know I'm probably
hurting people right now.
I can't live with this feeling
right now. It's eating me up alive.
The deeper it is, the more fearful.
What's wrong with me? Idk.
I've got the assurance but I still
get this feeling. Am I suppose to
feel this way or is it just me?

I am sorry if I cause pain to those
around me. I can't bear to see anyone
in pain cause I know I myself, don't wanna
be in that kind of situation.

Allah, please help me.
I need answers.




To you,
I am sorry for what I did.
I was insensitive and I should have
known that you had your own rights
of saying whatever you want. I shouldn't
have brought it up. I should have ignored
my own feelings and cared about yours more.
If someone should be hurt, it should be
me and never anyone else.


And to you,
How I wish I could know the real
answer from you yourself. I need to know
so that I know what I'm doing is not hurting
you in any possible way. I've been praying,
hoping that one day I'll have the courage
to ask you myself or just to simply know
the truth. That's all I need. I don't mind
sacrificing, I just don't want any risks
being taken.


And you,
Why do you keep on coming?
Why can't I stop you from dripping
every time?
Why do I even see myself sacrificing
you every night?
Why don't you ever stop pouring
every time I try to think of something
else?
Why?


May our lives be filled with joy.
Assalam.