I'm Back? :)

Wow. So much time has passed and it seems that it has been ages since I last posted anything here. Probably life has succumb to be too hectic for me to even have the time to update via the virtual world, or maybe it's just because I kind of forgot my password to the account. Haha. Either ways, I miss blogging. It used to be the only place where I felt that I could pen my thoughts and feelings down without anyone judging me. How ironic. So much has happened so far and if I were to summarise it in one word, it'll be hopeful. Yes, I've been hoping so much between this past period of time. Hoping for so many things, be it ending as a disappointment or not. Hmm maybe I'll unravel what has happened so far in life slowly through my future posts. For now, let's start with my family. Abang's been serving the country for weeks now and I'm proud to say that he's growing up to be one fine man. Glad to have him as a brother:). Surprisingly, he's become more organised in his thoughts and actions. Not to mention him usually having a free hand in helping out with the chores. Makes my life all so easier to deal with. Mum though has been very sensitive lately with abang not being at home. Though abang books out every weekend, she never fails to talk to me about him at least one day a week saying that she misses him and also never fails to cry when she does so. A mother's love, they say. And dad? Well, he's as old as ever. Old and cute. Though nowadays, he gets a bit on my nerves. They say, as people grow old, they tend to be more sensitive and childish on their own thoughts and feelings. Well, no doubt about that. However, he's still the father that I know. No drastic changes or anything and I still love him the same way. Friends. Well, let's say, they're all as lovely as ever. Well, mostly all. It's been quite a rough path for my friends and I. Stu,bled upon a great deal of emotions recently because of friends. I realised that the issue that is holding me against my friends is the value of the friendship. well, basically that. Let's just say, I've grown stronger and change my outlook on things in that aspect. And I've also gained great ties so far. So I guess I'm contented no matter what. Even if we face a loss, it doesn't mean that we won't gain anything. Which now brings me to another significant part of my life. Very significant. Love. The love of my life has been a sweetheart to me and I am honored to be able to still feel his love that he unconditionally showers me with. I've grown so much to him since ever and I know that it's impossible to live with ease if he's not around. My pillar of strength and hope. The one I go to every day without fail to share my worries and inner thoughts. The one I truly call my bestfriend. Yes, Farhan Afiq, you're my one and only bestfriend. And because a lot of things have been happening lately, I know that you're the person who truly deserves the title because for all my flaws and the entire 'downs' that we faced,you have always been so forgiving and understanding. And to top that off, you never changed your feelings towards me even after knowing my disabilities. And that's why out of the billions of guys out there, I choose you to love and no one else. Because you're simply the best. And I hope you know that. :) Nadz. xx

Here we go again.

When I thought every of the negative has
ended, it has started all over again.
I've tried so much not to lose my
grip but apparently, I can no longer do so.

It hurts so much knowing that I've put so
much effort and then failing over and over
AGAIN.

When will I ever learn?
My feelings of anger and distrust is just
to test out my level of patience over a
particular situation but apparently I
over-use it and make situations even more
complicated than it already is.

I have learnt not to blame anyone but myself
for everything that's happening because why?
Because no one lives my life for me.
I make a decision and I bear with my own consequences.


One question though,
out of all this, what do I get? Nothing.
So how am I supposed to eliminate all these
troubles happening in my life?
Am I suppose to run away from my problems
or am I supposed to act like nothing's wrong or
am I suppose to walk away from people?
Tell me what to do because right now,
I have got to be the most clueless person ever.


I'm trying to hold on tight to whatever's left of
me that is strong enough to pull this through alone.
yes, Alone.
Won't depend on anyone in particular anymore.
The people we love are the ones that will
hurt us the most.


Never knew I could be feeling this way.

Reminiscence

Another year of the final exams approaching
us students. As I sit back on my chair,
I think about all the past opportunities I had
and how I ruined it. How I blatantly
ignored helping myself in my own
studies.

So many chances. And I had to not take them
all so seriously.

It's tough having to watch all my friends
promote and then I'm the only one left hanging.
I felt so lonely and empty.
I felt as though I was an epic failure in life.
That's how miserable having to retain feels like.
That's a feeling which no one should ever ever
experience.
It just sucks all your happiness away for
days or maybe weeks.
You'll feel so down, you won't even touch
your food.
You'll just end up crying alone at night,
in your bed, just wishing you did what you
could to save your own future.
And then reality strikes... YOU DIDNT.

I felt that way and I hated every single bit
of it. The agonising pain was just too much
too handle, mentally.

And so, here I am on my desk, facing
piles and piles of my notes, trying my utmost
best to sponge all the info in my brain.
All I'm thinking is "I NEED TO PROMOTE BECAUSE
IF I DON'T I'LL DISAPPOIINT MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS
AND ALL THOSE WHO BELIEVES IN ME"


Let's pray for the best that what I'm doing will
be fruitful.

Failure should not let you stop
rooting for success but instead crave
for more opportunities to et back on track and
prove them all wrong.

Insya'allah.


Salam, Nadz.

Exams exams exams!

Alright, this is gonna be a rather short post.
Specially for bontotman.
Farhan afiq Bin Jaafar,
ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR PROMO 2!
I know you'll do good and
pass with flying colours,
you genius! heh. Love you.












All the best to the rest too
for their exams and whatever not.



Salam, Nadz.
Told ya it's gonna be a short post.

Life Changing.

Love them all too much! <3 :)


On Wednesday, my parents, Sara,
Farhan and I, was invited to
my brother's finale for his seminar.
One word = Beautiful.
It was an amazing experience.

It was wonderful having to hear the participants
share their life changing experiences with
all of us. It really just touched me.
It somehow made me realise that I'm
not the only one in this world who
thinks I have the worst problems ever.
Everyone goes through challenges in their
lives, it's just how you react to it that
makes you stronger than the others.

Now I fully understand why Abang wanted to
attend this seminar badly.
It's a seminar where it improves you to be a better
person. For yourself and your loved ones.


We (well, technically abang)
finally told mum and dad on why we sold
lollipops to people.
For those of you who don't know
why we've been doing so, here's the reason.

It has been a really long time since our parents
and us went on a holiday together. A proper one.
We are always busy with work and school.
So, as one of his projects, Abang decided that
we should gain funds so that we can bring
mum and dad out for a holiday by air.
To cut short, one of our ways was actually
to sell lollipops to strangers, friends and
family.


Abang is an amazing person. He doesn't
put himself before others. Especially mum and dad.
That's why he's the best brother anyone can ever get.
And mum and dad. Well, they deserve this after
a whole lot of sacrifices for us.

Mum and dad are touched. :')


I'm hoping that this turns out to be a success.
I'm still selling the lollies.
So, if you guys wanna help out, please
feel free to come and see me. heh.
We need as much help as we can possibly get.

For those who have already helped,
from the bottom of my heart,
a BIG THANK YOU to all of you beautiful
kind souls.
Your little deed of buying those lollies
can actually create a beautiful experince
for my family and I. Insya'Allah.


<3


Salam, Nadz.

Semamat Hayi Yaya!:)

On the first day of raya, Abang Sofian
and I wore white. I love white!
It just shows pureness you know.
We went to three houses.
It wasn't as much fun as last year's because
everyone came at different timings:(
But, meeting the family once more was
AWESOME.



That Sunday, about 1/4 no .. 1/6 of my
family came over. Wow, was it as hectic as ever!
Cooked lotsa food and Alhamdulillah they liked it.
hehe. Really had fun bonding with Abang Nadzri (my
first brother). Yeah, he wasnt in the picture below.
My cute nieces and nephews came too!
Honestly, mum and I wasn't expecting that much people
cause usually only my brothers and sisters would
come over. BUT this year was different and the
BOMBXZXZ.



This was half of the guests that came over. The rest
left. Yes, my family is that BIG. And yes, the guests
were only 1/6 of my family in overall. hah.


The week after, on Monday, my family and I went to
about 4 houses in total. Oh and my aunty.
My wak(s) and Natt's(niece).
oh, including Farhan's house:) hee.
Had lotsa fun especially at Wak Noor's house. See the
pic below? Those are my nieces and nephews(I think)
THEY ARE ADORABLE.
At Natt's house, we waited for Abang Sofian to
reach from school then the four of us headed to
BLK 390. haha Farhan's place.
Enjoyed myself there. Alhamdulillah our
parents could bond well. Oh,
and his grandma was really cute please:)
I like her smile:)
Cik Nora cooked mee bakso which was AWESOME:)
Then headed home after that.
What an awesome day that day was!





So here comes the AWESOMEST DAY EVER.
The day when my friends from the VICO club and
A4 ex classmates came over to my house.
Really had fun with them around!
People who came?

Farhan, Ralph, Sara, Shreedhya, Deepan, Kishen
and Sebastian.

Sorry Kishy for forgetting that you're a vegetarian.




Then, Ralph, Deepan, Kishen and Shreedz
had to leave early so it was just Farhan, Sara, my dad
and I.





We sang, played the guitar, piano and did
lotsa fun stuff! However, sorry guys, my house lacks
of english songs to karaoke. HAHA.
It was really fun having to spend time at home with
them!:)My dad was there to join in the fun too.
(For a while) haha.







Yes, Farhan and I dressed in orange<3
hehe.




Oh, and we went for a spin around the neighbourhood.
Was the first time I drove with my friends in the car.
Hah. Had fun throughout the whole journey!:))
I am sooo gonna get my license soon!

Headed back home, took more pics.
WITH my dad in it! hahaha He's so cute plese.
Just look at his smile!:)





Then, had to fetch my mum, so
we sent the boys to city square cause they wanted to shop
and we bid goodbyes!
(Something I didn't wanna do.)
After fetching mum, went to a mama chops papa grill
for dinner. Treated the family.
Alhamdulillah rezeki.
Got myself lambchops! yum yum my fav!
Didnt take a pic of it though.
Was too hungry that I ate it first before the
thought of taking a picture came! haha.

yeah, overall, it was a splendid day!:)
Was really elated and happy.
What would I do without my friends and family?

Hope my hosting was good enough though.
And hope they all enjoyed it.
Though, I'm still sad that some couldnt make it.
It's okay guys, next year okay!:)



SELAMAT HARI RAYA!:)



Salam, Nadz.

Love's a messy game.

I'm writing this blog post
with tears rolling down my eyes.
I miss you.
But, I won't say it to you.

I don't get why I am feeling this way.
About you. About us. About me.
I'm doubting everything that we have ever
promised each other.
I've never really felt this low in a
really long time. And now that I am,
I hate every single bit of it.

This is stupid.
Feelings are stupid.
I tell myself not to care about this anymore
but I can't.
I guess this is what happens when the
feeling's too strong to be ignored huh?

Right now, I feel like I don't know who you are
anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore.
It's as though we don't exist in each other's world.
I don't know what you're doing or what's going on
anymore.
All I want to do is cry.

This is too emotional for me to handle.
I don't know why I'm caught up in my own feelings.
I see your face, I see our videos.
Part of me is telling me "that's the guy I fell in
love with"
Part of me is going "What happened to us?"
:'(

I try to hide my feelings deep inside but
honestly, I can't.
This is the only medium that I can translate my
emotions to words.


I'm trying to forget this phase but I can't.
I just can't.


Now, "sorry" means nothing to me.
"I love you" doesn't solve everything anymore.

I'm losing faith.
Save me quick because I'll drown soon enough.


Nadz.